Top Story: LeBron switching careers.
With his team well on its way to a probable championship, LeBron James has decided that basketball is too easy for him. He will now sign a 10 year, $365 million contract with a New York team, but not the Knicks, the Yankees.
He will be joined by David Ortiz, the former Red Sox DH, who has agreed to a 1-year, $30 million contract. Papi will receive a $10 million bonus if he wins MVP AND the Yankees win the World Series, but only if they play and beat the Red Sox in the NLCS.
In unrelated news, Nomar Garciaparra is headed back to Boston to play for the Bruins.
Practicing Haruhiians were shocked to discover that Haruhi is in fact not God but Satan. The high school student made her announcement today to Japan on the big screen.
Snoop Dogg is off weed, cold turkey. No really.
Young Jeezy has joined Maroon Five as a bass guitar player. He renounces all statements that he sold coke or smoked weed.
...Merry Christmas, everyone. Jesus turns 13069 today.
No comments:
Post a Comment